


but there never seems to be enough time

by danahscott



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Comatose Riley, F/M, Near Death Experiences, i wrote this forever ago and it's still like an a+ fic, skljdfklsk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 15:46:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11316561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danahscott/pseuds/danahscott
Summary: there had been an accident on the corner of halsted and main. come, mr. matthews had said, come quick. and farkle came. (riarkle, major angst, coma au)





	but there never seems to be enough time

Hospitals weren’t actually white. Farkle had forgotten that. The last time he’d been in one had been when Riley was seven years old and had to get her tonsils out. He remembered bringing her ice cream and buying her Hazel the Hippo. He remembered staying with her until she fell asleep, telling her fun facts about outer space that his mom was too busy to listen to. 

But Riley wasn't seven anymore. She didn’t have tonsilitis. She wasn’t in there getting a routine procedure and a pat on the back. There had been an accident on the corner of Halsted and Main. Come, Mr. Matthews had said. Come quick. 

And Farkle came. He was the first one there. Mr. and Mrs. Matthews were busy talking to the doctors and the waiting room felt cold and lonely. Riley was only sixteen years old. She was supposed to be on her way home from the park. Farkle thought it a great injustice that the idiot cab driver who hadn’t bothered to look both ways was completely unscathed while Riley was strung up in a hospital bed fighting for her life. Farkle didn’t know how to feel. The only thing he was sure of was that she had to be okay, because that was the only thing that made sense. What good was a universe without Riley Matthews in it?

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Lucas was the first one to trickle in, his eyes red-rimmed and his fists balled tight. Ever since him and Riley had broken up, he’d become even more protective over her, looking out for her, almost like a brother, but not quite. They could never really be like siblings after what they’d been through. Still, though, they’d both seemed relieved when they finally called it quits. 

Lucas looked around wildly before seeing Farkle sitting numbly in a chair. He staggered over to Farkle, collapsing with a heavy thud in the seat next to him. “She’s gonna be fine, right? I mean, it’s Riley.” 

Farkle gave the slightest of shrugs. When he spoke again, his voice didn’t feel like it was coming from him. “The doctors say they don’t know.” He heard the air go out of Lucas like a deflating balloon, but he didn’t turn his head. He didn’t dare move a muscle. He just stayed, looking stonily ahead as Lucas’ ragged breaths evened out. 

Zay was the next to arrive. He headed straight towards Lucas, pulling him up into a firm hug that lasted a long time. Farkle could see Zay’s face contorted in anguish, half buried in Lucas’ shoulder, but when they pulled apart, all Zay showed was a tight-lipped smile. He squeezed Farkle’s shoulder. “You good?” He asked him. Farkle gave a barely perceptible nod, but Zay nodded back, deep with understanding. 

There went a long time with no one saying anything and nothing happening. Mr. and Mrs. Matthews were with Riley, and for the first time in a while, the three boys had nothing they could say to each other to make the situation better. 

And then Maya came in. And that was the worst of all. She came in, her eyes glassy and unfocused. When she finally saw them sitting there, her body crumbled, folding inward as if the boys’ mere presence was evidence enough that it was really true. 

She started screaming at the doctors, hoarsely, almost unintelligibly about how it was their job to fix her and if they didn’t then-

She didn’t finish. Lucas grabbed her shoulder trying to pull her close. At first, she railed against him, her tiny, balled-up fists pounding against his chest, And then, like a flame blowing out, she collapsed against him, body heaving with sobs. Lucas held the sides of her head, planting a firm kiss at the top of her forehead, then pulling her back into his arms.

Farkle watched as the weight of Maya’s grief pushed her to the floor, causing her knees to buckle out from under her. He watched Lucas go to the ground with her, clinging on to her as she shook and cried.

Farkle didn’t help comfort her. He didn’t move a muscle. 

Smackle was the last to arrive. She didn’t make a big fuss like the others. Just quietly sat down next to Farkle, hands clasped in her lap uncomfortably. Everyone was tired at that point. It had been three hours - not a single word. 

Zay was in the corner, quiet and sullen. Maya wasn’t crying anymore. She was curled up in the chair, knees hugged to her chest. She was staring out, numbly, barely blinking or breathing. That seemed to scare Lucas more than her crying. They’d only been dating for a month and a half. It was still new, but it felt like it had been going on forever. 

And then, between Lucas and Isadora was an empty chair where Riley should have been sitting. Actually, no, none of them should’ve been sitting there in the hospital. They should’ve been at Topanga’s or the bay window, figuring out how to fix their next little crisis. They shouldn’t be here. 

Smackle turned to him and Farkle shifted his eyes so he could just barely see her face. “Zay called me,” she said quietly, voice thick with hesitancy. “Farkle, I…” She trailed off. Her face was frozen in a contemplative expression. He would’ve thought she didn’t care if he didn’t know her so well. Smackle alway had that face on when science couldn’t help her cope with her feelings. 

Farkle knew she was upset, but he didn’t comfort her. He didn’t move a muscle. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

An hour later, Smackle had orbited over to Zay, rattling off reasons why it was statistically probable that Riley would survive, and how even if it wasn’t, if anybody could defy statistical probability, it was Riley.

Lucas was wringing his hands and wiping at his eyes every few minutes. Maya hadn’t changed position once, hadn’t even cried since she first came in. 

Another hour passed and Zay took Smackle home on the subway. Another hour passed and Lucas walked Maya to her apartment. She took his hand blindly, following him like a lost child in a grocery store. Lucas tried to get Farkle to go with them, but he just stared steelily ahead until Lucas got the hint and left. 

Farkle didn’t leave for another two hours. He didn’t move a muscle. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

It was almost eleven o’clock by the time Mr. Matthews came back into the waiting room. His eyes were red and bloodshot and the lines in his forehead seemed deeper than ever.

He looked a little surprised to see Farkle still sitting there, but then a sad little smile crept onto his face. He slid into the chair beside Farkle. 

“Have you-” Farkle started.

“No, not yet.” Mr. Matthews paused as Farkle sunk back in his chair, disappointed. “Go home, Farkle,” he said, gently. “We’ll let you know as soon as there’s news. C’mon. I’ll call you a cab.” 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Farkle couldn’t sleep. He counted the number of craters painted on Pluto over and over again. He traced the pattern on his blanket with his pinky finger. He switched positions about thirty times. He did anything but sleep. Farkle switched on his phone to check the time. 2:07, it read.

Farkle sighed, leaning back on his pillow. Count the craters, trace the pattern, switch positions, repeat. Farkle ran through the cycle again. Count the craters, trace the - The ringing of his cell phone sliced through the silence, interrupting his routine. 

Farkle’s stomach sunk to his feet and his heart started beating so fast he thought it might burst out of his chest. . Caller ID said Zay was calling him. After the third ring, Farkle answered. 

“Hello?” He said, and his voice shook and his and shook and the foundation of the goddamned Earth felt like it was shaking. 

“Mr. Matthews called,” Zay replied, and his voice was wobbling, too. “He couldn’t - uh - he wanted me to tell everyone.” Farkle’s head was roaring. “The doctors are saying that she’s in a coma. And that she’s not gonna wake up.” Farkle hung up the phone and listened to it fall to the floor with a loud clatter. It felt like someone had squeezed all the air out of his lungs, and then it felt like there was too much air and he couldn’t get it out fast enough. 

Farkle was shaking, clutching the sides of his sheet, and then, Farkle gave in. He cried harder than he had ever cried before. He cried so hard he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think anything except for one thought. 

Riley was gone. What were any of them going to do now?

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

It wasn’t until a week later that Farkle went to see her. He’d been ignoring the calls from Smackle and Zay. Lucas tried to go see him, but Farkle wouldn’t let him up. It was only when Maya buzzed that he even considered seeing anybody. 

“She’s not going to be at school tomorrow,” Maya had said, as if the idea was unfathomable to her. Well, it didn’t make sense to Farkle either. The whole group had taken the week off of school except for Smackle. She was shooting for perfect attendance. Apparently, Wednesday, she came home with a D- on her algebra test. That’s just what Maya had told him. He didn’t answer her phone calls or listen to her voicemails. 

Maya told him they were allowed to see Riley now and then she left again. It took two days before he finally worked up the nerve to go see her. When he did, he was gutted. 

There was Riley, face wiped clear of feeling or emotion or any indication that there was something living inside. Her skin was littered with cuts and bruises and she was connected to about a million tubes and wires. 

If he didn’t think about it too hard, he could pretend she’d be fine. Cuts and bruises heal. Antibiotics were just for prevention of infection. Except, you couldn’t see the real trauma on her body. It was inside her head. Nothing could save her from that anymore. Certainly not Farkle. He felt defenseless. His world was crumbling down in front of him, life as he knew it was changing and there wasn’t one thing he could do. 

“Hi,” a warm voice said behind him, just as the first few tears started to fall. “I’m Jameson. Do you mind if I check on -” there was a pause as he read her chart “- Ms. Matthews?” Farkle nodded, looking away. Farkle watched Jameson take her vitals and do something with her IV tubes. 

“My friend Zay said she’s never waking up.” Jameson turned around mouth falling open for a second and then closing again. He averted his eyes and nodded solemnly. “She’s really not gonna?” Farkle hated how he sounded like a scared little boy, but he was a scared little boy, wasn’t he? And the doctor didn’t seem to mind. A wistful little smile crept onto his face. 

Jameson looked like he was about to say something, but he shook his head a little bit, changing his mind. “What’s your name?” 

“Farkle,” he said, expecting Jameson to laugh, but he just beamed down at Farkle warmly, extending a hand to shake.

“It’s nice to meet you, Farkle.”

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Farkle’s eyes burned into the back of Riley’s chair. Maybe somebody else would eventually take the seat. That didn’t seem right. Maya had gotten the first, before anybody. She didn’t even look up when Farkle came in, or Lucas, or Smackle, or anybody. She was scribbling furiously in the sketchbook Lucas had gotten her for her birthday last year. Farkle looked, and it was just a mess of half-finished drawings crossed out with angry black X’s. 

Lucas walked in like every step he took was heavy, and the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders. Still, he squeezed Maya’s shoulder and then she shut her eyes tightly and Farkle knew she was trying not to cry. He was trying not to break down, too, run home and sob his heart out until his voice was gone and no one could ask him if he was okay. 

Zay came in quietly, slipping into a seat next to Lucas. It wasn’t like him, the silence. Farkle wanted to shake him until he told another stupid, stupid joke that made them all laugh until they cried, just because they could. Smackle came in without Farkle even noticing, and then he remembered that D- she got on the test and that she was hurting too. So, he reached out his hand and she took it and he gave it a tight squeeze so she’d know he was sorry. Smackle was his girlfriend. She deserved better.

Mr. Rogerson came in, then, and the room fell silent. He didn’t think - he didn’t realize. Of course Mr. Matthews wasn’t coming back. They had lost Riley and now they were losing her family too. 

Lucas raised his hand anyway. “Is Mr. Matthews-”

“We don’t know if Mr. Matthews is coming back yet.” Mr. Rogerson cut him off. Farkle felt the air in the room chill. So this was their life now. And they had to take it as it was. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Seeing Riley again wasn’t as hard the next day; he knew what to expect. This time, he brought a book of space facts with him, but he wasn’t reading them to her this time. He’d tried talking to her yesterday, but it just made him feel worse. It was like talking to a stone. 

Ten minutes after his arrival, Jameson came in. “Hey, Farkle, nice seeing you again.” Farkle forced a smile. He liked Jameson, despite the circumstances under which they met. He watched Jameson care for Riley in silence for a few minutes. Just as he was about to leave, Farkle stopped him. 

“Can I talk to you?” Jameson turned on his heel, a surprised smile playing at his lips. He stole a quick glance at his watch and then sat down in the chair next to Farkle, the whirring of machines the only noise in the room for a moment. “Have you ever seen someone wake up from a coma even though they’re not supposed to?”

Jameson looked down, almost wincing. “You know, Farkle, that’s really rare.” He hesitated. “But, yeah, I saw it happen. Only once, but I did.” For whatever reason, that didn’t make Farkle feel any better. 

“You see dozens of patients everyday, right?” Jameson shrugged. “She’s just another patient to you. Seeing her like this - well, you expect it.”

“I mean, I do expect it, I guess, but that doesn’t mean she’s just another patient. There’s something in this hospital that breaks my heart everyday. But then there are other patients who survive against all odds, and I get to be a part of making that happen. Every single patient I have means something to me.” 

“And Riley?” Farkle asked.

“Well, I’m never going to know Riley. And she’ll probably be my patient for years. But I can talk to you and her family, and that’s a way to get to know her. Get to know the people she loved.” Jameson’s eyes flickered down to the book Farkle had brought. “You’re into space, huh?”

Farkle smiled a real smile for the first time in weeks. “Yeah. She was, too. She is. Her old babysitter died last year and she sort of got interested in the universe after that. But I think she always was. That was the thing about Riley. She always wanted to learn more.” 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

It wasn’t until a month after the accident, a month after life with Riley in it ended, that Farkle got out of his own head long enough to realize what was going on with Maya. 

She’d stopped coming to Topanga’s for studying and she’d been opting out of lunch with the gang in favor of sitting in the art room. It wasn’t like either of those meetings were particularly fun. They were apathetic, like a grey curtain was thrown over everything. But the most important thing was that they still stayed together, even when one of them had gone. 

Apparently, Lucas snuck into the art room after school the day before. All he’d found were balled up, crossed out drawings stuffed into the garbage can. That was sort of how they realized. She’d been pulling away for a while now and they were too caught up in their own grief to notice. 

So, after school, Farkle found Maya heading out of the art room, shoulders hunched like she was trying to disappear. “Maya!” He called. She only broke stride for a second and then carried on as if she hadn’t even heard him at all. “Maya!” He ran to catch up with her, effectively blocking her way. 

“Farkle,” she said, impatiently, flicking her eyes up to the ceiling, the floor, anywhere but him. “I’ve got to meet my mom for dinner.” 

“You have enough time to talk to me, Maya.” For a moment, he thought she would away anyway. But with a tired - and almost relieved - sigh, she slid down against the lockers. He sat down next to her.

“Do you remember what you told me once? About how Riley and I being apart shakes the foundation of the earth?

Farkle nodded. That was a good week. One of his best. “Well, we’re apart and there’s nothing any of us can do about it.” Her voice broke and Farkle knew she was crying and he hated it, he hated everything because Riley was gone and he couldn’t fix it and his friends were hurting and he couldn’t fix that either. He couldn't do a damn thing. Maya took a shaky breath. “It’s just without her, I don’t really have a place in the group anymore.” Farkle gave a humorless little laugh.

“Is that really what you think? Well, forget what I said. What about what Riley said? We don’t leave. Things are different now no matter what. We lost Riley. We lost Riley and it feels like we lost the world. But if we lose each other, Maya, then we’ve really got nothing left.” 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Holding Riley’s hand was different than Farkle thought it would be. It was warm and soft, not cold and dead. But she wasn’t holding his hand back. The cuts and bruises were almost completely faded. Farkle imagined her waking up and laughing about how late she’d overslept and how was going to miss getting to Topanga’s so she could meet Maya for hot chocolate. 

He wondered what Riley would say if she could see them now. It took one month before Zay started telling jokes again and another month before Lucas started laughing at them. Smackle wouldn’t hug anyone anymore. And Maya was different. She was pulled back and withdrawn, shrinking into herself and Farkle could see that was killing Lucas. And she couldn’t draw or paint anymore, and that was killing her. 

But they were healing. Slowly, and together, they were healing. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

8:35. The clock ticked. Farkle was lazily doodling circles in his textbook. Mr. Rogerson wasn’t the best equipped to teach history, but they had no one else. Usually, he just let them read from the book, so History class was now the blow off class. 

8:36. Nigel leaned over to Brandon. “You know, if he’s not here for fifteen minutes we’re allowed to leave.” Farkle would have liked that. He wanted to get a new book from the library. Lately, he’d been plowing through them. It just - it just felt good to escape for a while. 

8:37. It was 8:37 and Mr. Matthews came through the door. He looked like he had aged a decade over two months. But he was smiling at them and setting his name on his desk.

It was the happiest Farkle had been since the accident. Zay and Lucas were sporting ear-splitting grins. Maya was giving him a watery smile and Smackle looked pleased and triumphant at the same time. In one small moment, Farkle felt something within the group shift. For the first time, he thought they might bounce back after all. 

Mr. Matthews had paused at Riley’s empty desk, looking so sad Farkle thought he might start crying. But Mr. Matthews looked up at them, smile heavy with doubt, and he whispered, “I’d like to see you guys after class. Don’t worry, I’ll give you late passes.”

And then, he launched into his lesson and Farkle could barely pay attention. He was enraptured, not in the class, but in the idea that Mr. Matthews was here and he was staying. So, he didn’t care that the lines in his forehead were deeper than ever and that his voice was lacking the usual enthusiasm because he was here.

All too soon, class ended, but the five of them stayed just like he had asked them to. With a weary smile, Mr. Matthews hopped up onto his desk. The room was quiet for a moment. “You know, I almost didn’t come back,” he said. “But I think she would’ve wanted me to. And I don’t think I’d have felt quite right if I didn’t.” He gave a deep sigh, one that seemed to run through his entire body. “How have you guys been holding up?”

And then, like he flipped a switch, Maya burst into tears. Farkle hadn’t seen her cry like that since the accident. Mr. Matthews’ face softened. He slowly made his way toward her, scooping her up into a tight hug. 

Lucas had his hands almost out-stretched to them, fists clenching and unclenching, eyes full of tears threatening to spill over any second. Zay’s hand clasped Lucas’ shoulder tightly, and through the midst of everything, Smackle’s hand had found his. 

All Farkle was seeing should have told him something else, but only one thought came clearly as he listened to Maya sobbing into Mr. Matthews’ chest and saw Lucas trying to hold back tears. *I think we’re going to be okay.* 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

“Hi, Barbara,” Farkle said to the nurse working at the front desk. He didn’t know how he knew her name, or how she knew his, but he was at the hospital everyday and so he was on first-name basis with a lot of the doctors and nurses who worked there. 

Today, though, Barbara leaned over her desk, resting on her elbows. “Hey, Farkle,” she called out. He glanced toward the hallway Riley’s room was in, and then he strolled over to the desk. “You’re early, you know,” she said. “Five minutes until visiting hours start.” Farkle nodded. Barbara looked old. Not that old, but older than his parents. Her eyes crinkled when she spoke and laugh lines were written all over her face. Her voice was a little gravelly, like her lungs were made of sandpaper. 

Farkle decided he liked Barbara. She reminded him of his gramma. He stood awkwardly for a second. “Who’s that you’re visiting everyday, hm?” He hesitated. Farkle didn’t always like to tell people about Riley. Not if they didn’t really want to know, but Barbara seemed genuine and she probably understood better than most. She did work in a hospital. 

“My friend, Riley.” Barbara nodded, sympathetically. 

“Awful young to be in the coma ward.” 

“Yeah,” Farkle nodded. “She is.” Her face softened so much, she almost looked like a different person. 

“You know, I know this doesn’t help, but my husband passed away a little over a year and a half ago. A heart attack at age fifty. I mean, can you believe that? I just… I know that it’s hard. And it doesn’t always stop being hard. There’s not really anything you can say about it.” Farkle didn’t speak. He thought if he did, he might start crying. Barbara glanced at her watch. “You can go in now.”

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

He guessed it made sense that it happened at Topanga’s. That’s where they first got together, and that’s where they were saying goodbye. “It’s not you,” Smackle said, “it’s me.” Farkle almost had to hold back a laugh, because of course, Smackle actually researched how to do this. Once upon a time, she would have told him all about the results of her research. But things were different. And while this didn’t feel good, it felt right. 

Still, Farkle couldn’t help but ache for days when things were simpler. When he and Smackle would walk arm and arm to class and he wanted nothing more in the world. When she’d show him a book she thought he would like with her notes still scribbled in the margins. He’d seen this coming, but it didn’t mean he was ready to let go. Smackle was looking at him a little sadly and he felt himself crumble a little bit. 

“Farkle,” she said, hesitantly, “I just want you to know that if it wasn’t for you, I don’t think I’d be where I am now. You helped me feel comfortable being myself and… I just want to thank you for that.” He nodded, and though he couldn’t find his voice to say it, he hoped she knew that he was grateful too. 

“Do you want me to walk you home?” She shook her head. “Okay, well, at least get Lucas or Zay to walk with you, alright?” And then, he pushed himself up from the chair and started towards the subway. He was leaving something behind, he knew, and he knew it was okay. None of them expected this to happen. But maybe it would have happened either way. Maybe what they were to each other would have played itself out in the end even if Riley was still with them. 

It was bittersweet and a little sad, but in the end it was right. It didn’t feel like letting go. It felt like moving on. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

“Hey, Jameson,” Farkle said, “why did you want to become a doctor?” Jameson looked up, seemingly taken aback. 

“Wow, Farkle, starting with the big questions today.” 

“Sorry, you don’t - you don’t have to answer that.” 

“No, it’s, uh, it’s okay.” Jameson sat down in the chair opposite of Farkle, turning it around so he could sit in it backwards. “So, when I was about sixteen, my brother and I got in this really bad car accident. We both survived, but a doctor told me that I would probably never walk again. And I didn’t. Not for about two years.” Farkle shook his head, just slightly. 

“Then?”

“Well, then I met a new doctor and he - well, he found a new way.” Jameson smiled without showing his teeth. “I’m still here, and I’m walking again when I thought I never would. So I learned with the right doctor, and the right care, and the right odds, nothing is unbeatable. I wanted to be one of the doctors to give people that kind of hope. I wanted to help somebody like Dr. Thompson helped me.”

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Farkle lingered outside of Mr. Matthews’ room after class for Maya. They’d been walking to class together lately. Mainly because she’d been trying to pull away from Lucas. She didn’t say so and Farkle didn’t say so and though Lucas had this wounded puppy look in his eyes every time she pulled away from a hug, he didn’t say so either. But Mr. Matthews had pulled her aside, so he pretended to fiddle with his pencil. 

“Maya, we miss you at Thursday night dinners, you know. You should stop on by.” Farkle heard a pause. 

‘ “But I thought - I just thought you wouldn’t want me there anymore, now that, you know-”

“Maya,” he stopped her. “We don’t want to lose both of you. I’ll see you tonight, right?” Farkle looked up just in time to see her nod. Mr. Matthews being back had been good for all of them. Smackle took their break up with stride and refused to leave the group - and rightfully so, Farkle thought. He had worried about that, briefly, that she might distance herself from them. But he wasn’t the only thing tying her to them anymore. It had been almost half a year since the accident. Everything still felt raw, but things were getting better. Summer was almost here and with it, hopefully, a fresh start. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

It should have been a normal day. The hospital visits were incorporated into his daily routine now, and everything didn’t hurt as badly. Sometimes, he could swear there was some color coming back into Riley’s cheeks, or that she was squeezing back, but he knew he was just imagining it. 

Still, coming to visit her didn’t hurt so much. He said hello to Barbara, stayed with Riley for ten minutes, talked to Jameson for ten minutes, did homework for ten minutes after and then headed home. It should’ve been just another day. But Jameson was waiting for Farkle when he got there. 

“Hey. You’re not wearing your doctor clothes.” Jameson gave him a sad little smile, and nodded, fiddling with his watch. The smile slid from Farkle’s face. Something was wrong. 

“There’s something I gotta tell you, Farkle.” 

“A bad thing?” Farkle didn’t even know why he was asking that. 

“Not all bad.” Jameson shifted on his feet. Farkle stole a furtive glance towards where Riley lay sleeping. Could it have something to do with her?

“Just tell me,” he half-begged. And Jameson’s smile was so pained that Farkle was filled with an immense dread. 

“I’m transferring hospitals. I got a job offer, a really great job offer. I would’ve told you sooner, I just didn’t know if I was going to take it.” Farkle felt like the air had been taken out of him. He hadn’t been expecting this, nothing like this. 

“When are you leaving?” 

“Today was my last day.” In spite of himself, Farkle could feel himself tearing up. “Look, the new doctor who’s going to be looking after Riley - you’ll really like him. He’s a really nice guy.” Farkle looked down. He didn’t want to cry. He’d been crying too much lately, and this wasn’t a good reason, so no he was not going to cry. “I’m staying in New York, too, so I’ll come visit all the time.” Farkle heard the thickness in Jameson’s voice, and then he felt himself being wrapped up in a warm hug. 

Then, he sobbed. Like a baby. It wasn’t just about Jameson. It wasn’t about losing the one person who could understand him best. It was about how everything good just leaves in the end. Riley was gone. Smackle broke up with him. And, now Jameson was leaving. He guessed that’s what time did to things. It broke them. But maybe the break didn’t have to be permanent. How did the saying go? Time heals all wounds. Farkle decided he would just have to wait and see if that turned out to be true. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

The next week, David came in, the new doctor. He shook Farkle’s hand, got to work, and quietly left. But not before ducking his head back in and letting Farkle know that chapter eleven was the best of the book he was reading. It wasn’t the same as Jameson, but it could be okay. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

“Hey, Zay,” Farkle said, looking at Zay leaning on the lockers outside the boys’ bathroom. “Have you seen Lucas around? I wanted to ask him abou-”

“I wouldn’t.” Farkle knit his brow in confusion. “He and Maya just broke up.” It shouldn’t have been surprising. It shouldn’t have been surprising at all. But Farkle couldn’t stop remembering how happy they had been before the accident. How Maya just seemed to radiate sunlight and how Lucas seemed to relax, really relax and stop acting like the fate of the goddamned world rested on his shoulders when they were together. Things were different now, but they were so strong once. 

Without another word to Zay, Farkle turned on his heel and went to look for Maya. He found her on the ground, back pressed against the lockers, just slightly rocking back and forth. When she looked up at him, her eyes were big and sad. Farkle sighed and slid down next to her, just like he had done five months prior. 

“He deserved better,” she said. Farkle turned to her, sharply. 

“Don’t say that, Maya.”

“No, I don’t mean it like that - I…” She trailed off. “I broke up with him. He was so good to me, Farkle. He had so much love to give. And I swear I loved him back. I still do, but…”

“But what, Maya?” 

“I just can’t be with anybody right now. He kept devoting all of his love to me, and I couldn’t return it, I couldn’t find the energy to love him like he loved me. He was hurting too and he kept trying to give me time to heal. I think we need to do it separately. At least for now. It’s only fair to him.” Her voice caught, and Farkle let her bury her face into his shoulder. “He was so good to me,” she said, voice muffled, a few weak tears seeping into the fabric of his shirt. “He was so good to me.” 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

“It just wasn’t working anymore,” someone said from inside Riley’s room. Farkle paused outside the door, unaccustomed to hearing anyone else in her hospital room. “God knows if you were here with us you would have been all over this by now. But it’s okay. I think it was time for it happen.” Farkle nudged the door open, and there was Maya, perched on Riley’s bed, talking to her. She jumped at the sound of the door creaking. “Farkle? I didn’t know you were visiting today.” 

“I visit everyday,” he said. She raised her eyebrows in surprise. 

“I thought - I thought I was the only one.” He shook his head, sitting down into one of the chairs. Maya hopped off the bed and into the chair next to him. He heard her ruffling in her purse for something. Tissues, he saw, as she pulled them out. “Look at me,” she half-laughed. “Maya ‘don’t look me in the eyes’ Hart. It’s like I’m crying all the time.” Her expression sobered and then her face contorted as she abandoned the tissue and wiped at her nose with her sleeve. “It just feels like she’s dead.” 

Farkle stayed silent for a moment. Usually, Riley was the best one at comforting. “Even if she’s six feet under, Riley won’t be dead, Maya. She’s Riley.” Maya gave a little giggle, and Farkle laughed a little, too, even though nothing about the situation was all that funny. 

“Yeah,” Maya agreed, grabbing Riley’s hand. “She is, isn’t she?” Farkle grabbed Maya’s other hand. They sat there for a while, in comfortable silence. She was the only other one who missed Riley as much as he did. If only one good thing came out of the accident, it was Maya and him being brought even closer. He looked at Riley, then, and the ache of missing her hit him even harder than usual. He remembered how many things would never happen again. No Beary the Bear Bear or class debates. No Pluto rants or schemes in the name of love. Those were gone forever. So was she. And for the first time, Farkle finally accepted it. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Then one day, ten years later, against all odds, brown eyes fluttered open, and that’s when everything changed. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Everything was white and blurry. Her head was screaming and her entire body was sore all over. She didn’t know where she was. She didn’t know who she was. She could feel her mind reaching out for something and just as she was about to take hold of it, she slipped back into darkness again. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Waking up the second time was easier, more gradual than before. Knowledge hit her gently like waves lapping at the shore. 

First wave. Riley Matthews. 16 years old. Second wave. Mom. Dad. Auggie. Third wave. Maya. Fourth. Farkle. Fifth. Lucas, Smackle, Zay. Sixth. Car accident. She remembered everything smashing with a violent jolt. The horrible smell of something burning. Seventh. Hospital. That’s where she must be. 

She opened her eyes, finally, and the grip on her arm tightened. She turned her head - slowly, too fast hurts - to see who the grip belonged to. Sitting there, crying, was her mom, and holding her arm was her dad, eyes big and round. 

“Dad?” She tried to say, but her voice was gone, so she tried again, and that time sound come out. As soon as her dad heard her voice, his face crumpled in on itself. She wanted to tell them that she was fine, look at her, she was fine. But with his head bent down, Riley could see streaks of gray in her dad’s hair, and as her mom cried, Riley could see little wrinkles around her eyes. They looked older. Why did they look older?

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

First wave. Riley Matthews. 26 years old. Second wave. Auggie’s in college. Her mom said he’d be there in a few days, but he had to get a flight home from Boston, because that’s where he lives now, because he’s in college. Third wave. Her friends. What’s happened to her friends? Fourth wave. Ten years. “I’ve missed so much,” she said to her mom who’d stopped crying, but was still grasping Riley’s hand tightly. 

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions,” she said. Riley nodded - it didn’t hurt as much to move her head anymore - and racked her brain for the first question to come to mind. 

“What happened with Farkle and Smackle?”

“Well that situation was pretty messy.” Riley raised her eyebrows. “So, a few months after the accident, they broke up. A year after that, Lucas and Smackle started dating. And they were really in love for about two years.”

“Then?”

“Then, Lucas broke her heart. Farkle could never really forgive him.” Riley frowned. She tried to picture all of that happening, but she couldn’t. It just didn’t seem right. 

“Did Lucas end up getting that baseball scholarship?”

“Yes and no.” He got it, and then in his third-to-last game, he got injured pretty badly. He was out for a while, and he lost the scholarship. He never really played the same again.” 

“But Maya got into art school, right?” Her mom sighed and looked down. 

“It was a really competitive program.” Riley shook her head. This was wrong. All of it. It was so wrong. 

“Zay? What about Zay?” Riley asked, desperate to hear something good. Her mom smiled. 

“He’s in Chicago right now. He got into Juilliard just like he’d wanted to. He’s with a travelling dance company.” Riley felt a small rush of satisfaction wash over her, but it died quickly after. Zay might have ended up happy, but what about everyone else? None of their lives turned out like they planned. 

“Ms. Matthews?” Her thoughts were interrupted by a nurse. “You have a visitor.”

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Riley didn’t recognize the man standing in the doorway. Still, though, there was something warm about him. He was grinning from ear to ear with a book tucked under his arm. “Nice to finally see you awake,” he said, taking a few steps towards her. “I’m Jameson. I used to be your doctor.” 

Riley smiled as he extended the book to her. It was outer space, the same one Farkle had recommended her. 

“Thanks,” she said, taking it and studying the cover.

“Your friend told me you liked outer space.” She nodded. She didn’t know what to say. “I’ve heard lots of things about you, you know. You sound like a real special person. I’m glad you're awake to share that with us."

-::-::-::-::-::-::- 

After about ten minutes, Jameson said his shift was starting, but he’d be back to visit soon. And it wasn’t long afterwards that her mom’s phone started ringing. She pulled it out of her pocket. 

“Zay’s FaceTiming. You wanna answer?” Gingerly, Riley took the phone. Oddly enough, she was nervous. It might not have felt like much time to her, but it had been a decade for the rest of her friends. Still, though, she pressed answer. After a moment of buffering, Zay’s face came into focus. He looked different and familiar at the same time. As soon as he saw her, he clapped a hand to his mouth. Even through the bad connection, she could see his eyes start to water. 

“No kidding,” he said, letting his hand drop. “I’m at rehearsal. I just - I just saw the text from your mom - Riley, you have no idea how much we all missed you.” Riley felt her heart lift. 

“You got into Juilliard?” He laughed and nodded, wiping at his eyes.

“I did. I’m in this company - this dance company. We’re in Chicago right now. You’re gonna come see me, right?”

“Of course. Well, soon as I’m out of here.”

“I don’t even know what to say - I just - We thought you were never going to wake up again. It’s been… hard without you, you know.” 

Riley attempted a smile. “I’m just glad to be back,” she half-whispered, trying to keep the wavering out of her voice. 

“Look at this, now we’re both crying.” He paused. “You know, I finally got Maya to watch The Notebook with me. Just like we used to do.” Riley laughed.

“Yeah? How’d she like it?”

“She cried. Wait, shoot, I’m not supposed to say anything. Forget I told you that!” Riley could feel a deep fit form at the bottom of her stomach, but the good kind. The kind that happens when you’re so happy, you ache. Just watching him crouched in the dressing room of a dance studio made her feel happier than she could ever remember feeling. 

“How is Maya? How is everybody?” She asked, hoping he could tell her something good that her mom couldn’t.

“It was hard at first - still is, er, was, I guess - but we’re good. Maya’s got-” She heard murmuring in the background and saw Zay turn his head and nod. “Riley, I’m so sorry, I gotta go, my director is calling me back in, but, look, as soon as I can - and maybe sooner - I’m flying up to visit you. Can I call you tonight?” She nodded and then clicked “end call,” leaning back on her hospital bed. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Not even two minutes after, there was a knocking on her door. Her mom got up to open it, and once the door swung open, Riley’s heart jumped. There stood Lucas and Smackle, side by side. While Zay had looked different, they were instantly recognizable. Riley wished she was better so she could get out of the bed and sweep them up into a big hug. 

Her mom stepped aside to let them in and they were smiling so big it looked like the sun was pouring out of their faces. 

“I’ll give you guys some privacy,” her mom said, though she looked like she didn’t want to leave. At the sound of the door clicking shut, Lucas made his way over to her bed, Smackle trailing after him. 

“I can’t believe you’re awake,” he said, still smiling. “I didn’t think you could-” he trailed off, but Smackle picked the conversation back up with ease. 

“You know it’s statistically improbable for you to be conscious right now, let alone fully functioning in your verbal abilities.” She paused. “You are fully functioning, right?” Riley laughed.

“I can talk, Smackle,” she said, and she heard Lucas inhale, sharply. She looked up at the two of them, smiling. “Are you two back together?” They looked at each other, and after a beat, started laughing. 

“No, no,” Lucas said. “We just came from work.” 

“You work together?” She asked, eager to know more about their lives. 

“We run a company together, Riley.”

“How did that happen?”

“Well, when I got injured, I lost my scholarship, so I had to make a new plan. I started college undecided. Then, I started to get really into green technology and I wanted to do something with it. Smackle here was the only person I knew who would interested in starting a business. It really took off, actually.”

“What about Farkle?” She asked.

“Huh?” Smackle said.

“Well, he was always interested in business.”

“Not after the accident,” Smackle said. Riley tilted her head, but before she could respond, Lucas chimed in again. 

“But how are you? What have the doctors been saying?” She wanted to know more about the Farkle thing, but she decided to wait until he came to see her. 

“I’m… well, I’m okay. The doctors say I should be fully recovered soon. They say it’s a miracle. Apparently, all my external wounds healed while I was - while I was in the - uh, the coma. That’s still… really weird to say.” Lucas nodded and Smackle, tentatively, held her hand. 

“We’re just glad you’re back, Riley,” Lucas said, and Riley heard him start to get choked up and she almost felt uncomfortable because she’d never seen Lucas cry. 

And then a knocking on the door came so suddenly and so loudly, Riley nearly jumped out of her skin. “No, Janie, don’t do that.” She heard a whisper from behind the door. Lucas’ face lit up and he went to open the door. 

Maya practically spilled into the room. Riley held her breath. She looked so… different. Attached to her were two little girls. The older one had wrapped her arms around Maya’s left leg. The younger one was perched on her shoulder, tangling her fingers in Maya’s hair. 

“Lucas, can you take them? No one would watch them.” She passed off the girl in her arms to Lucas. She leaned down to the one wrapped around her leg. “Abby, honey, go to Dad.” With reluctance, the little girl - Abby, apparently - grabbed Lucas’ hand tightly. 

“Why are you crying, Daddy?” The girl in Lucas’ arms asked - Janie, Riley guessed. 

“Because I’m really happy, kiddo.” 

“I didn’t know you could do that!” Riley couldn’t tear her eyes away until the door clicked shut and Lucas, Smackle and the little girls had gone. She trained her eyes back on Maya, who was walking slowly towards her and smiling hesitantly, like she was afraid it would be wiped off her face any second. She was wearing a dirty smock and there was a long streak of purple paint just above her eyebrow. Then, her smile fell and her bottom lip began to tremble. 

“Riles?” She whispered, standing next to her bed. 

“Peaches,” she said back, and she could feel hot, wet tears slide down her face. This was not the happy crying from when she was talking to Zay, nor the bitter sobs when she found out how long she’d been in the coma. This was feeling everything all at once, emotion so strong it left her openly weeping. “Those girls, those little girls, they’re yours?”

Maya nodded and Riley could see she was crying, too. “Their names are Abby and Janie. Um, Janie is three and - and Abby is four, and…” She trailed off.

“You got married, too?” 

“Yeah,” Maya said, twisting her wedding ring around on her finger, and wiping at her eyes. “Five years ago. I always wanted a family, and now - Lucas, and the girls - Riley, I missed you so much.” Maya sat down in the chair beside the bed, grabbing her hand. 

“I missed your wedding,” Riley cried. “I missed everything.” Maya squeezed her hand tighter.

“You’re not going to miss anything else.” Maya said back, firmly, and just as she always had, Riley drew strength from her. 

“Who was the maid of honor?”

“My mom. And Smackle and Ava were bridesmaids. And the flower girl was my sister - my mom and Shawn had another kid.” 

“Does he treat you well? Lucas?” Maya let out a loose, tearful laugh. 

“Mm-hmm. He’s the perfect huckleberry.” 

“You’ve been painting?” Riley asked, gesturing to her smock. 

“Can’t seem to stop.” 

“My mom told me about art school,” Riley’s expression sobered. “Maya, I’m so sorry.” 

“No, it’s - it’s okay, actually. Um, after your accident, well, I couldn’t paint for a really long time. By the time I could do it again, it was too late. So, I took a gap year, got a teaching degree. I teach art at the elementary school.” 

“You do? You’re happy?” Maya nodded, wiping away more tears. 

“I’m really happy.” 

“I thought - my mom said - I thought none of you got what you wanted. But you have a family. You’re married.” Maya nodded, looking at her wedding ring again. 

“Yeah. I wear this everyday, you know. But you know what else I wear everyday?” Maya held up her other hand. “Thunder.” Riley smiled, and then frowned. Hers was missing. It made sense, but she had gone ten years without wearing it?

“I don’t - I don’t have mine.” Maya nodded, letting her hand drop.

“Yeah, I know. I’ve got it. I’ll bring it soon.” Maya squeezed her hand again, and Riley smiled. There was a moment of silence before the door swung open without even a   
knock. Riley jumped again. The guy in the doorway was tall, wearing blue scrubs. 

“Sorry, Maya, I think this is another one of my doctors,” she said, smiling at him. Maya looked at her and slowly shook her head.

“Honey, that’s not your doctor. That’s Farkle.”

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move. Big, round, brown eyes blinking back at him. Big, round, open, brown eyes. Smiling. Crying. Moving. Ten years. It had been ten years. It had taken her that long to find her way back. He could barely register Maya excusing herself. He managed to find his voice. 

“I didn’t hear - I was - I was in surgery.” God, he should have let Jameson take the patient. He should have checked his phone. He wanted the ten extra minutes with her. He wanted any time that he missed, any time she was awake that he wasn’t at her side for to be swallowed up. When Jameson came and found him, asking if he’d gone to see her - Farkle thought he’d meant like he usually did. “I’m going tomorrow,” he said, confused. And then - and then - he didn’t quite believe it at first. He was almost angry, because why would Jameson lie, especially now that they were working together? But he wasn’t lying, because look at her. 

“You’re a doctor?” He heard her say, and it felt like something came alive in him. He heard her voice again - her voice and her eyes and everything that was taken away from him ten years ago. Without even realizing he did it, he staggered over to the chair, like he was the injured one, and half-collapsed into it. 

“Yeah. You made me want to be one.”

“I did?” He nodded, trying to swallow back the tears. Dammit, he didn’t want to cry. But he was so happy.

“Yeah. I was here everyday. I just saw all of the doctors working with you and with everyone. I wanted to make a direct difference in other people’s lives. I wanted to help people who were hurt. I started out wanting to help just coma patients. But I realized that maybe I could help even more people.” He paused, biting his lip. “I couldn’t fix you, Riley. So I wanted to fix someone else.” Farkle was surprised he figured out how to get those words out in a coherent sentence.

“You were here everyday?” He nodded and then watched her face fold into itself, shoulders heaving with deep, ragged sobs. Farkle found himself crying too, but only he should be crying, it was wrong for her to be sad. If Farkle could help it, she would never, ever be sad again.

“Hey. Riley, you’re awake. You’re with us. Please don’t cry.” 

“But I’ve missed so much,” she cried, and he grabbed her hand on impulse, but it felt right. How many days had he sat there holding her hand and wishing she’d hold it back?

“Well, then, I vow for the rest of my life to never let you miss a single thing ever again. We’re never losing you again, you got that? I’m never losing you again. No more accidents. No more comas.” Riley laughed a little bit, a teary, sweet laugh, and Farkle’s heard soared and leaped and did cartwheels. He thought he’d never hear that sound again. 

He’d never been that happy in his entire life. He stayed with her and waited until both their tears dissipated. He didn’t let go of her hand, because her touch felt like a miracle, it was a miracle. She was a miracle. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

What happened to her was still a tragedy. There were days they were never going to get back. Days in Mr. Matthews’ class with the sun streaming through the window and the sound of her laughter ringing in his ears. Those days were gone forever. It would always break his heart. But she was here and she was staying. She was living and breathing and beaming up at him. So today, Farkle wasn’t thinking about what he had lost. He was thinking about everything he was getting back.


End file.
